Hooray! My favourite ladies from Orange County are back. (and that means so are my recaps…..) I was going to write a post about diet gimmicks, but that will have to be saved for another day. This post will be all about the fun, frivolity and drama that is the Housewives franchise.
I’m so happy that Andy has band rehearsal on Tuesday nights because this is my Housewives night. The Trinidadian Ricky Ricardo better stay at de club because this Lucy just wants to be alone, unwind, pour myself a cold Pinot (last night it was just a sparkling water with lemon), concentrate on the episode and take my mental notes for my recap posts. I don’t need Andy jabbering in my ear “I am getting no mental stimulation and this show has no value” lecture and yadda, yadda while I am trying to watch the drama unfold in peace.
Anyway, with that wee hubby rant over, on to the recap. I’m so excited! Let’s begin with the Dubrows, Heather and Terry. Heather invited all the ladies and their spouses to Wine Country, Napa Valley, to unveil her new champagne, “Collette.” (named after her youngest child.) Actually it is not a true Champagne that is made in France, as Heather explains. It is a Method Champenoise if you please, as it is fermented in the bottle (or something fancy along those lines.) What the heck is a Method Champenoise? To me, if it looks like a duck, it’s a duck. Heather is just too fancy. If Heather was my friend I would be looking in the dictionary after every sentence she uttered.
Okay, so Collette was unveiled with success. Heather also sabraged the bottle (more from Fancy Pants) with gleeful applause and cheers, and proceeded to make her speech. Here is where I am kind of digging the Dubrows. They’re funny! They can joke with each other and their relationship seems secure enough to handle a joke here and there. Heather attempted to make her speech by saying, “Collette was named after our surprise baby,” in which Terry chimed in to say, “Collette was named after our mistake.” I was lol-ing right there. Heather just laughed and was kind of like okay honey, let me finish. She continued with, “Collette is…..” Another interruption from Terry ensued, with, “Collette is still mean.” (Haha! Collette does look like a mean kid! I thought that too.) Heather was able to finish her speech without further interruption from Terry by saying that their Champenoise Method (heck, let’s just call it sparkling wine) is one of a kind, just like their baby Collette. At the end of the speech, the couple locked it down and sealed it in with a big old kiss. Mean kid aside, the sparkling wine looks quite nice. I would like to try it, but at 38 dollars a pop, I doubt I shall be. If it’s in your budget visit http://www.bellofamilyvineyards.com/Collette-Sparkling-Wine for more details.
The opposite of the Dubrows to me are the Beaders. Shannon always looks so nervous and unhinged. I know her husband David was having an affair and her trust must be shattered, but sheesh, give the guy a break. He’s walking on eggshells over here. Any comment the guy makes, Shannon is like, “what did you say? Why did you say that? What’s that supposed to mean?” Again, the Dubrows score another point from me. When Heather, Tamra and the new chick Meghan (whom I am not too fond of thus far) were talking
gossiping about Shannon over dinner, Meghan said she felt uncomfortable around Shannon because her and David had a shot of Tequila at the bar at Heather’s hoedown last season and David failed to introduce a nervous and unhinged Shannon when she approached said bar. I think that David was just afraid to make the introductions to a young hottie like Meghan in fear that Shannon would be jealous, so he just left well enough alone by avoiding any intros. Anyways, at this gossip session dinner, Heather cracked me up. She said, “I would just be amused if a young, pretty woman was flirting with Terry. I would be like, have at it girl!” See, laid back and secure. But who knows, maybe David is not making Shannon feel loved and secure.
Let us take a look at Tamra Barney. Yes BARNEY. Oops she didn’t change her last name legally to Judge yet. Tamra and I have this in common. I agree with Tams on this one. You have to go to the DMV, the passport office, the town hall. It’s a pain. No Tamra, we’re not bad people, we’re just lazy people. Married names aside, back to Tamra. Tamra is a new Christian. Tamra has new hooters. (not that there is anything wrong with that.) I just see a wee judgey-wudgey here (no pun intended.) A few seasons ago, she lambasted Alexis Bellino for having implants and being a Christian. Tamra even nicknamed Alexis, “Jesus Jugs.” Not cool Tamra. Christians can come in all shapes, sizes, silicone or Au-natural. Who is Jesus Jugs now, Tamra? You have huge implants and you found Jesus.
All joking aside, I truly feel it is wonderful that Tamra has a relationship with Jesus. In a poignant statement she said she found God at her lowest point (which often happens, I can attest to that) mind you, she could have left out all the expletives in this poignant statement.
Lastly Lizzie. Why is girlfriend a secondary character now? I like the young Sofia Loren look-a-like. I think she brought just the right amount of likeability and drama to the show.
Vickie was whooping it up I am sure. She could not make the Napa trip because she was accepting an insurance award in Florida for all her hard work in a man’s industry (and I hope to God above Brooks is not faking having cancer. Just had to slip that in there.)
So ends my intellectual and thought-provoking exchange. I do hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading. Cue music please! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9Uf1SYr7E4