Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, drink and be merry: for that shall abide with him of his labour the days of his life, which God giveth him under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 8:15. King James Bible.
So I have come to the realization that it is difficult to be a clean eater in a “dirty” world. Okay, that may sound a bit harsh. By dirty, I don’t mean soiled, unclean or tainted. I mean filled with cocktails and culinary delights. The majority of people are not supportive when you are trying your very best to eat carrot sticks instead of red velvet cake. Not very supportive when you are trying to sip Perrier with lemon instead of a White Sangria. Don’t get me wrong, most folks are not doing this to sabotage you, or with mal intent. They want you to eat, drink and be merry. After all, isn’t that what life is about? Food, glorious food. Oh, and cocktails. We cannot forget cocktails. The only people who can get a “mocktail” pass are the preggos. How dullsville would it be if Carrie Bradshaw and the girls drank protein shakes instead of Cosmopolitans on SATC? How many songs celebrate drinking and partying. Rum and Redbull? Raise your Glass? and my personal favourite, “Red, Red Wine.” LIfe is a party, and if you don’t get onboard the party train, you are seen as a drip, dullsville, or a wall-flower. The ultimate clue that you are as exciting as watching paint dry is this phrase, “Oh c’mon, you’re no fun!”
Take for example three weekends ago. I was at a friends “opening” of her patio. She’s crazy like that. Don’t even let me get started on Tania. You would think she’s a proprietor of a pub or something. Anyways, the weather was fabulous and I don’t know about you Americans, but your neighbours to the north find nothing more delightful than saying adios winter with a couple-a-cocktails. So the breakdown of that “patio” opening was a long the lines of this:
Friend’s boyfriend Jay at the BBQ (to Andy and me) : What are you guy’s drinking?
Me: I’ll just have water for now, Jay. Thanks.
Jay: Water? WTF? This ain’t no Christian convention! Have a beer. Miche, we got that Chardonnay you love. Tania has the white chillin’ as we speak.
(I really like Jay, but why do folks always have to bring up Christianity when you don’t want to drink?)
Me: No thanks, Jay. I have to get up early for a five K. Water is fine, really.
Jay: Andy, my man. What about you?
Andy: I’m good. Maybe a beer later.
Jay: Forget later! I’ll get you a Corona right now, man. It’s summer bro!
(what did I tell you about Canadians and summer drinking?)
Andy relented and had that Corona with lime right away because Jay continued to insist. I stuck to my resolve. Later though, I ended up having two glasses of Shiraz. Nowadays, I stop after two glasses. As long as I am not drinking excessively and dancing on the table with a lampshade on my head, I think that Jesus will be okay with that. Being sensible and responsible is the key.
So here lies my dilemma. I am going to Cancun in July. My home away from home. Yeah, I’m a Mexican in my head. I love, love Tequila, but I don’t want to touch the stuff. To a Mexican, refusing that celebratory raise of the Tequila shot glass, especially when said Mexican exclaims, “Salud,” is an insult. You are supposed to down that baby, suck the lemon and chew that worm. (I never did chew the worm.) To top it off, Andy used to work at Senor Frogs as the bass player in the house band. This place is party central. They ain’t joking with that slogan: fun, food, fiesta. All his old managers loved him and the feeling was mutual. They will practically fill tequila with an IV drip and make us drink. Oh boy, I am in trouble…
Any advise would be much appreciated. Ironically enough, “salud” translates as “to your health.” Help readers! I feel like a teenager under peer pressure. Is there such a thing as grown folks peer pressure? Your Trex needs a little help here….